1.17.2005
All Imma say is THANK YOU LAWD !!!! cuz *whew* I was bout to have to splain myself and ummm I wasnt ready to have to tell any1 that shyt.
I had a GREAT weekend...Etoile being a waste of money aside...Candy and Litsa came up again and we went clubbing....had a chill azz time...I feel old tho cuz my azz was beat after club #1....It was JUSE's bday and oh lawd was the JUSE LOOSE ..smh I swear spaniards cant drink for shyt...lmfaoooooo j/p. I was a lil .....just a tad bit tipsy...I knew suttin was wrong wit me when Doo Doo Brown came on and I was dancing like it was the new hot shyt...lawd help me. I was sposed to take Lil Mal to the hotel but my azz crashed I was so dayum burnt out...I woke up I had 5 missed calls I dunno how many VMs mind u I aint even ck em yet cuz I have 2 many...and Im not ..well wasnt focused...
The BS.....ok so I was all pumped to call this dude and tell him what I been thinkin lately....then I took a minute drank some water and REALLY REALLY thought about what I was feeling.... The RAGE I felt that prompted some of my actions is gone...it's like suttin in me died when I was told sum ish about what happened way back when.... that incident which changed the course of my life and my mind frame. I felt myself wanting to cry ..maybe it was the PMS....but I just thought to myself, "Y the fukk do I still even care ?!" good question.... but what died in me was respect...its that the initial reaction just had me sittin there like Nukka who is u talkin to....then about an hour later he apologizes...and I am sittin here like y wasnt the 1st thing u said to me when I came to you ?! .... back to the dude in sentence #1 of this paragraph...lmfao...yeah yeah I know ya lost....BUT...I decided NOT to call dude and tell him how I was feeling this week bcuz I felt like I was gonna come off like a deranged looney toon and I didnt have an explanation...I mean I havent seen him in like...yeah that long...lmao...and when I did see him I couldnt really say anything.....*sighz* I swear my dilemmas....but I decided not 2 say ish and delete his # out my phone cuz just ugh....I dun like how he makes me feel sometimes.... and it's not even him it's me.... it's just...I cant even explain....well I guess the best way is...I know how I like shyt to go....shyt Imma Virgo I always have a plan...and THIS is not goin how I want it to go....or didnt go how I wanted it to go......I know he has shyt on his plate...but at the risk of turnin in2 suttin I dun wanna become he needs to not be seen like that...feel me ?! I doubt he even notices...and I wont call cuz when I DO talk to him I feel like I am in a vaccuum I get SUCKED in ....I start wantin shyt I dun need to want...and fiending and feelin like a gyrl and wantin to.....ughhhhhhhhhh I dun like it at all....so yeah I closed that chapter and bound the book it's a wrap.... I dunno y but I always seem to need closure in my relationships.....yes even the booty calls ....LMFAOOOOOOO ok I kill me...then I'll talk to him this week and 4get everything I am saying right now.... wtf ?!?!?! *deletes AIM list...yahoo list...and e-mail contacts* the madness MUST end b4 I start doin typical chic shyt and NONE of us want that *smirk*
Litsa, Me and Candy @ NV
Til later lovelies..........*smootches*
Posted at 07:23 pm by Tejor
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1.12.2005
Errr please REMIND ME that certain people I can't be ME with I must WATCH what I say as to not have any misfukkinunderstandings....Someone asked me a question about HIM and I am asking myself the same shyt right now....Like...if u switch up...how r u REALLY ?! ....scares me to think...scares me just as much as .........*ASSHOLE COMMENT* umm Imma STOP now...k thnkz ...just GRRRRRRRRRR UGHHHHHHHHHH Y ?! blah
Posted at 09:51 am by Tejor
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12.28.2004
Didn't Know You Could Sing Gurllll......
Baby I'll be
Sitting here waiting on you to come home again
I won't leave
Promise I'll be here to the very end
By your side
To protect you and to love you and to be with you for life
Come on home to me Charlene
Still a little under the weather getting better tho...appetite SUKKS AZZ...it's all good tho...got New Years plans...but I am thinkin about reneging cuz I dun really feel like being bothered...but I feel like Imma be forced to participate and smile...ugh...going to Times Square is so overrated ...maybe cuz I live here in NY....but it's cold...the cops block off the frickin streets and people are crazy....which means Imma have to be in the city by like 7 or 8 pm or b4 the cut the streets off so we can't even walk down 1/2 the blocks..I dun feel like driving...blah blah blah...ok I am complaining 2 much....I need to be put out of my misery....Brooklyn...not even bringing a smile to my face anymore....I am tired of people asking me what is wrong with me...I AM SICK....the funny thing about being sick is it effects everything ..Mood...Frame Of Mind....Perspective...Taste Buds....the only thing entertaining me at this point is G...thanks babez ..gotta love him...just igg 1/2 the ish he says and u will be fine ..LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nah just playing....but he does make me think about alot of things and I appreciate that...my brain needed a mental workout *wipes sweat from brow* til later lovlies *smootches*
Posted at 10:03 am by Tejor
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12.27.2004
Why Does It Hurt So Bad ....
I hope you all had a Happy Holiday !!!!! I know I really didn't I was sick....I had flu/bronchitis/pneumonia some ish....ugh...yea I know leave it to me to get some foreign nameless disease.....Nana stayed to "watch" me....Mal took care of me I know I drove him mad...and I haven't really eaten since thursday but none of my jeans fit this morning ......go figure that huh.... I been sick since Thursday don't know how I got out of bed friday with a fever and drove all the way out here to LI to work...so me being the tuff girl I am thought I was gonna drive home....Blah....Mal had to come get me...I was found passed out in front of the Hempstead LIRR station at the wheel of the car heat on like MEGA HELL.....all I know is I woke up in front of my house and Mal was in nuttin but a wife beater ....funny picture now that I am not delirious....enuff of the nonsense....I felt bad tho because I know my dad wanted to see me and the baby and my brothers wanted to see Nana pretty much but we were all in my house makin me tea ...soup and buyin me ginger ale....awww love is beautiful lmao....
I did feel bad that I could not talk...*someone said I sounded like a Transformer on the phone* yeah my throat closed up as well and it hurt to talk...funny cuz every time my phone rang I actually answered...cept when I was sleep....but yeah my apologies for the impersonal Holiday text messages my heart meant well I just couldn't possibly make any phone calls it was atrocious..... I guess in an odd way my gift to my family was me not runnin my mouth and driving every1 insane....hopefully New Years Eve will be better and I won't be sick...altho I feel like I will not be 100% for a loooong time ....til later lovelies *smootches*
Posted at 09:45 am by Tejor
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12.22.2004
Who really cares what you think ?! Have u ever asked yaself that question ?! Seriously....every now and then when you voice your opinions to someone do u ever ask yourself....Who really gives a shyt ?! I mean....someone told me a little while ago....they "know" something about me...and I was like really ?! wow....do tell....then they told me I was like umm dumbazz EVERY1 ON THE NET KNOWS THAT CUZ I TOLD THEM *dead* I mean do you really think I am DUMB enuff to tell anyone something that I don't mind getting out ?! and have you ever asked yourself if what you have been told is the truth ?! but than again back to my original question....who gives a shyt ?! Really.... I wish certain people could live my life for 1 day...they'd prolly commit suicide...the few people I have given a "glimpse" of my world...just look @ me and say dayum... how do you do it....This is my life...it's all I know...and when all you know is THAT you learn to survive in THAT ....it's not that difficult ..it's really rather simple....I try not to knock others for how they live ...well I dont' knock too hard ....lol...bcuz you never know where a person is coming from.
I'm sick of people...they drive me crazy and make me wanna stuff em ina duffle bag and throw em in my trunk.....*exhale* they whine and complain and whine and complain and wanna talk to you for HOURS about nothing.....sex...money...drugs...strippers.. who's real...who's fake....then you bring up the bible to em and they MUST go ....lol...maybe you haven't noticed because maybe you don't read your bible....I do....didn't know that did you ?! but u KNOW it all don't you all....Nana is a Dr. of Theology so imagine the dissappointment in how I live my life...Yes I get the personal life critique every day...backed with scripture ...so PLEASE....again I say PLEASE don't think that anything you can say to me can phase me...Nana is a tuff act to follow so is Jesus.....
It's the holiday and I dont' feel like whining about certain situs in my life because my son is healthy and so am I...I am blessed beyond imagination so why ruin all of that by throwing dirt rocks at the sun ?! until later lovlies..*smootches*
Posted at 09:30 am by Tejor
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12.18.2004
Meet The Fockers....was a funny movie but NOT as funny as Meet The Parents.....but I was in knots either way...maybe it was the Coquito that had me laffin so dayum hard...I found myself in the club askin myself..."was the movie good ?!" but yea it was...I guess I just expected to be more amused than I was *shrugs* and NOOOO it don't come out til 12/22 b4 u even ask me.....
I had Coquito and Corona's wit Lime and made it to work by 9 this morning *bows* amazing right....specially since I haven't been to work all week....Christmas...Merry Frickin Christmas...My mind is rambling....most of the thoughts I can't even type but I will say then when I got my lapdance.....YESSSS they bought me a darn lapdance....and I was bein molested I was like dayuuuuuuuuuuuum no Insteads ....I would have..OMG...not even gonna say but THAT chic Heaven...lawd'ha'mercy....
A few things have been on my mind for like a few months now...and *sighz* I KINDA had a talk wit someone yesterday about it and they confirmed what I already knew....He is full of shyt....not to be trusted and someone I shouldn't even speak to....but I feel ...hmmmz...can't even explain wtf is wrong wit me right now...Not even wrong wit me..just ..can't...ugh....I guess I am too preoccupied with so much personal shyt and I havent fully had time to deal wit this BS and get it over with once and for all....I am gettin to it I promise. Ever feel like you are free falling out of an open window from the 115th floor and your eyes are open and even in the midst of tragdey you feel peace ?! Yup thats been my week pretty much....PEACE !!!!!
Havito !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lmfaoo...ok now that I got THAT off my chest later lovelies *smootches*
Posted at 11:41 am by Tejor
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12.6.2004
Hmmmz...so my weekend was kewl...Went to a NETS game and they had a lil old school hip hop concert afterwards...I felt MAD old yo ...every1 around me was like umm 25 and under cept this 1 dude he was rocking it....I may put that clip up later...he was funny as shyt....ok so a perfect cap to the evening would have been Dojo's and Sue's ....but nah...came home and slept like my life depended on it....Had some drama with this BK nukka and...ugh...ok so I guess we KEWL again..wtfever that means I dunno Imma chill cuz 1 of these nukkas is bound to fukk up sooner than later....RED !!!!! that bytch...ok so I ran the story by a few of my CLOSEST male friends and they all agree I am a jerk....ok so maybe I am but I dun ever ever ever in life want a girlfriend EVERRRRRRRRR....I think I made my point but hangin around actin like a nut wont change shyt.....dayum
Sunday !!!! Yes Yes Yes...so my appt @ Verseman Studios went rather well..personally I HATE taking pics but I tried to sukk it up and be cooperative for J...but then I saw the pics and its OBVIOUS I was struggling...HE was so professional tho...made me feel comfortable...even on the fire escape wit dem dayum heels *rolls eyes* * neck jerk* but we will def do it again...I think I got over my fear of the camera....I will, "Make Love 2 It", as Chi 1ce told me and I still havent figured out HOW to do that shyt....but I be like ...I dunno fukk it ...it aint important...lmao but the pics are good....we did good..we gonna go for the GOLD in shoot #2...Pic to the right is one of the pics we took...I MAY post some more next entry....*yawns* we'll see....
*sighz* I did suttin real stupid friday....I wish u could catch yahoo e-mails b4 they are opened...cuz I feel like such a dork for even ....I dunno man...I dun think people realize when they hurt my feelings just cuz I aint boo hooing dun mean I'm kewl....I dun ALWAYS tell ppl how I feel I cant always articulate and some shyt I just cant even bring myself to say.....I COULD just act hardcore and fukk up a perfectly good possiblilty or for 1ce in life calm the hell down...I live life @ like 90 MPH...thats what Nana told me today....she told me to quit my job...pack up the baby and move in with her....food and shelter are free...Man do u even know how much I miss bein the spoiled brat....dun have to work only do it cuz I WANT 2...who'dathunkit .....eh well shawty is all grown up now wit her own lil shawty....
In every action there's a consequence.....dayum....dayum....maybe If I would have.....instead of....then I'd be with HIM right now *sighz* would I be happy ?! I realized today after a slick azz remark nahh I wouldnt be....I wish someone would stop sellin these corny azz nukkas pipe dreams cuz tellin me u wanna be with me is sooooooooooo lame....just be honest..."Tej...I wanna smash" ...Brutal honesty turns me on..how could it NOT ?! shyt I do it oooooh so well *winkz* Fukk the BS I need a thug nukka make me wanna act like Shorty in the Youngbuck video....shyt put it on me so good make me act like Vivica @ the awards LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ok Im lying now....not even a thug...Just a nukka...thats simply what he is a muhfukkin NUKKA....my muhfukkin Nukka ..dare 2 dream lovelies *smootches*
Posted at 09:32 pm by Tejor
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12.4.2004
One of the people I was referring to as far as friendships I fukked up was Denyle and as you all can see he stopped by ...every1 wave @ Denyle *cheese face* I LOOOOOOOOOVE that boy u have NO IDEA *sighz* ok I feel 1/2 better now.....I think the other I will leave alone *sighz* but for the hell of it I was talkin about TJ yup the 1 wit the same eyes as mine ...... I promise I am gettin better at the phone thing...I just....I dunno *sighz* now we will work on going 2 see people...it's all a process in my 12 step program....ok I am on step 2 but hey at least I am makin an effort....But HE LOOOOVES ME....mesohappy :)...ok lovies
*smootches*
Posted at 02:45 pm by Tejor
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12.3.2004
SHYT !!!!!!!!!!! CAN A BYTCH LIVE ?!?!?!i MEAN GAWD DAYUM BASTIDS GET OF MUH FUKKING CLIT ....UGHHHHHH
K..THATS IT I'M DONE...FUKK BEIN NICE ....SMH LATAZ ----->>
Posted at 04:47 pm by Tejor
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OK so I was thinkin...yea I know surprise surprise....but I talked to HIM yesterday *thinking* yeah yesterday and I realized suttin...I am 2 dang proud a person....Im the type that when u said you will call me back.....I'll wait...so in doin so I think I missed out on sum things...I dun like to feel like I am sweating someone yanno ?!?! like I be lookin at my phone...and be about to hit *speed dial # ?!* but I just cant bring myself to do it....Common sense would tell me he be as busy as I am...I just cant...Maybe cuz I know what could happen if I talk to him 2 often *thinkin* ok I think I am punkin out...but I have GOOD reason ..trust me...
So he is mad kewl....When I say that I mean it so seriously....like ...how can I say this without sounding mushy ?! Like really he is the type of dude I call my boyfriend or I would call my boyfriend...yanno if the situ was diff...At first I was thinkin sexually....but then I talked to him and was like dayum his voice...things he says....he can say Sup Kid...and I start blushin...I dunno...just a small moment of happiness is all I need in this world...not to be confused with I LOVE HIM...cuz I don't...I mean he is a COOL ASS DUDE....seriously....potentially a GREAT friend altho due to "certain circumstances" it may cause an issue....I'm just really feelin our situ....*cheese face* the fact that he is FOINE as shyt helps but I can still hang wit him and "behave" ....lmao seriously I can he is just that kewl and I wouldnt wanna mess that up...I'm just mad it took me this long to say suttin to him...Not my ususal...but its been 3 months (I realized this this morning) and still kewl...maybe cuz we dont talk often...which is how I like it...but yeah so far so good....I'm just in a good place...maybe even more so cuz I spoke to HER yesterday and she is SOOO HAPPY...that shyt is contagious...I like ppl I care about to be happy it does my heart good...tired of my ppls dealing wit the drama and the BS of life and stalkin azz nukkas...they are the worst....I'm just *sighz* I dun even know...
I worked out this morning bytch is looking RIGHT lmao or so someone keeps tellin me...I am a sukker for attn from the right person...I think I am modest I never...ok well not ususally ..look @ myself and say Tej ya a bad bytch...but when the right person says it to me...or just calls me to tell me , "YOU"RE PRETTY AZ HELL" lmao does this old lady's heart some good...I swear his voice ..lawd...I dunno I think I am tettering a line...but who gives a shyt I am ignoring it...right and wrong in this situ is blurred to me...not my fault...he drove me into this situ...and drove him to be in this situ...I dunno if HE feels bad..I know I dont...I think Imma break my own rules and call him more regularly dayum him and waitin for HIM to call him back...He thinks like I do...like yo I told u I liked you 1ce that should be good enuff...u know ppl like me need reassurance....*sighs* maybe I make him feel the same...*shrugs* ..til next time lovies *smootches*
Posted at 11:48 am by Tejor
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