12.4.2004
One of the people I was referring to as far as friendships I fukked up was Denyle and as you all can see he stopped by ...every1 wave @ Denyle *cheese face* I LOOOOOOOOOVE that boy u have NO IDEA *sighz* ok I feel 1/2 better now.....I think the other I will leave alone *sighz* but for the hell of it I was talkin about TJ yup the 1 wit the same eyes as mine ...... I promise I am gettin better at the phone thing...I just....I dunno *sighz* now we will work on going 2 see people...it's all a process in my 12 step program....ok I am on step 2 but hey at least I am makin an effort....But HE LOOOOVES ME....mesohappy :)...ok lovies
*smootches*
Posted at 02:45 pm by Tejor
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12.3.2004
SHYT !!!!!!!!!!! CAN A BYTCH LIVE ?!?!?!i MEAN GAWD DAYUM BASTIDS GET OF MUH FUKKING CLIT ....UGHHHHHH
K..THATS IT I'M DONE...FUKK BEIN NICE ....SMH LATAZ ----->>
Posted at 04:47 pm by Tejor
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OK so I was thinkin...yea I know surprise surprise....but I talked to HIM yesterday *thinking* yeah yesterday and I realized suttin...I am 2 dang proud a person....Im the type that when u said you will call me back.....I'll wait...so in doin so I think I missed out on sum things...I dun like to feel like I am sweating someone yanno ?!?! like I be lookin at my phone...and be about to hit *speed dial # ?!* but I just cant bring myself to do it....Common sense would tell me he be as busy as I am...I just cant...Maybe cuz I know what could happen if I talk to him 2 often *thinkin* ok I think I am punkin out...but I have GOOD reason ..trust me...
So he is mad kewl....When I say that I mean it so seriously....like ...how can I say this without sounding mushy ?! Like really he is the type of dude I call my boyfriend or I would call my boyfriend...yanno if the situ was diff...At first I was thinkin sexually....but then I talked to him and was like dayum his voice...things he says....he can say Sup Kid...and I start blushin...I dunno...just a small moment of happiness is all I need in this world...not to be confused with I LOVE HIM...cuz I don't...I mean he is a COOL ASS DUDE....seriously....potentially a GREAT friend altho due to "certain circumstances" it may cause an issue....I'm just really feelin our situ....*cheese face* the fact that he is FOINE as shyt helps but I can still hang wit him and "behave" ....lmao seriously I can he is just that kewl and I wouldnt wanna mess that up...I'm just mad it took me this long to say suttin to him...Not my ususal...but its been 3 months (I realized this this morning) and still kewl...maybe cuz we dont talk often...which is how I like it...but yeah so far so good....I'm just in a good place...maybe even more so cuz I spoke to HER yesterday and she is SOOO HAPPY...that shyt is contagious...I like ppl I care about to be happy it does my heart good...tired of my ppls dealing wit the drama and the BS of life and stalkin azz nukkas...they are the worst....I'm just *sighz* I dun even know...
I worked out this morning bytch is looking RIGHT lmao or so someone keeps tellin me...I am a sukker for attn from the right person...I think I am modest I never...ok well not ususally ..look @ myself and say Tej ya a bad bytch...but when the right person says it to me...or just calls me to tell me , "YOU"RE PRETTY AZ HELL" lmao does this old lady's heart some good...I swear his voice ..lawd...I dunno I think I am tettering a line...but who gives a shyt I am ignoring it...right and wrong in this situ is blurred to me...not my fault...he drove me into this situ...and drove him to be in this situ...I dunno if HE feels bad..I know I dont...I think Imma break my own rules and call him more regularly dayum him and waitin for HIM to call him back...He thinks like I do...like yo I told u I liked you 1ce that should be good enuff...u know ppl like me need reassurance....*sighs* maybe I make him feel the same...*shrugs* ..til next time lovies *smootches*
Posted at 11:48 am by Tejor
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11.30.2004
Call her and ask her.....
Hmmz @ that concept...That made me feel like I was in HS all over again....Why would I call another female and ask her what's up with you two ?! R U Serious ?! nah this is not happening....There are 2 things I am positive of about myself #1 I am light skinned and #2 I am an asshole oh and #3 I am a woman...lmfao...TJ ya actin different...am I really ?! I dun think I am...the people around me dun think so....in fact I am actin more like myself than I have been lately..FEELS SO GOOD...ugh @ that song cant get out of my head...what ever happened to Davina ?! *mind wanders*
Men....I dun get em.....well I do I think I get em a lil 2 good which is y when they TRY to BS me I feel like they are insultin my intelligence.....I think I know what u mean better than U do most of the time....call it a character flaw...I call it being NICE. Seriously, in 1 breath someone can tell me I am not like other femmes...I am this and I am that and that SAME someone will tell me I NEVER listen only hear what I want...wouldnt that make me like other femmes then ?! *thinkin* do u even know me ?! This is life and I am only given 1 so do I A. Get stressed so others can be happy or 2. Live it up and die with a smile on my face...I choose option #B... #B ?! imma leave that alone.....so umm I been WAITING for this phone call.... I feel like I am livin a countdown.... 2 days til he gives in.... he calls we talk I hear it in his voice but he wont give in...I dun even play dirty no fun in that...I would like him to believe he has it under control but u know how I do...when I get to the point that I'VE had enuff the dirt will surface ....lmfao...its cute for now...actually brings a smile to my face....maybe I am a lil to forward sometimes...so I am chillin...I know what I can and cant have...thats a good enuff feelin of satisfaction for me...I got off my kick of really wantin this dude (diff dude..pay attn..lol) or likin him in THAT way....I realized I like just talkin to him....like bein around him just like him as a person as a friend...I like that feeling...new friendship the type thats not tainted or ugly yet...the type that is like u know he appreciates u as much as u him and he doesnt call u just to tell u he wants to fukk...its a look he gives whenever he sees me....same look I give him and we understand and its over....nuttin to be done about it...a small pleasure in my long dayz....talk to him every 1ce in a blue...funny tho cuz whenever he sees me he keeps me grinnin ear to ear...You Are So Fukking Beautiful Yo...So fukkin pretty Oh my gawd *blushes* I can still hear him sayin it the way he did on the phone the other nite..*sighs* does suttin to me like when Mo used to call me and say Hey Miss Lady...lmao omg i feel my face turn red just saying it...speakin of RED ...lmfao RED is ummmm yea Sunday and DAYUMMMMMMMM if u can figure out what I mean by that I'll give u a cookie ...lmfao...ok now I am really bein a fool...til later lovies....*smootches*
Posted at 11:21 am by Tejor
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11.29.2004
Oh lawd.....where to begin....Friday...Sue's Rendevzous....Saturday...Sue's Rendezvous *insert HUGE cheeseface here*...LMFAO...this 1 chic...OMFG and then this other chic OMFG umm ok so onto a new topic...I been tipsy like ALLL weekend btwn that and them chics...*faints* umm ok so we went to FRIDAY's ...I loathe that place....seriously...ppl always wanna meet there and I dun eat bcuz I dun like their dayum food....I can eat the Jack Daniels Steak sumtimes...but I am pretty dayum sick of it.....I LOVE Olive Garden, Dojo's (my fave) and a few others but ugh hey its where every1 else wants to go so hey what can I do...Imma trooper I ROLL with the punches....OMG but the Blue Storm/Perfect Storm...fukk it blue slushy shyt is off the chain and WE ALL KNOW HOW I GET WHEN I AM DRINKING....Bwahahahaha ..Nah I was nice tho...liked every1 that showed up plus Lil Mal was with me so I was sober *cheese face*...OMFG OMFG OMFG...I saw HIMMMMMMMMMM *drool face* *hyperventilates* ....ok so call me crazy but as much as I HATE attn...I fukkin LOVE it he called me and said 1 sentence and I was like melting on my bed....ok yea I was feeling like a girl and I was irritating the ppl in my house and so my phone died and umm yeah I was out all nite wit no phone....but WHO CARES....lmao...ok nah 4real I got mad love for this dude ...no BS wit him....I EXPECT certain ish from him which makes me feel "comfortable" yup thats the word....I dunno its not even a sexual thing...umm ok maybe jus a little...but yanno...
I was debating with myself over an issue...I was like Tej sometimes u r 2 harsh on ppl...U overreact...blah blah blah.... so I tested a theory and Ta dah !!! I was so correct...They only want u when they think someone else has you...You put the key to the ignition and their hand and they try to drive someone else....funny how it works that way....I am tired of the lame ish..."Tej I love you" mind u im hearing this from more than 1 person..none of which have a clue...smmfh....Love= overused/underextended...feel me ?! I'm str8 tho...The GRIME factor will continue...conscious is clear and OMFG *drool face* how the hell can I NOT ?!
Dayummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...ok thats all imma say about THAT...yeah I know Im leaving ish out but they is CERTAIN shyt I dun need CERTAIN ppl to know so ummm....but if u call me I'll gladly tell ya LMFAO
...ok later lovies *smootches*
Posted at 10:22 am by Tejor
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11.26.2004
Lovers and Friendzzzzz...
Ok so this song is in my head and won't get out...tell me againnnnnnnnnn....it's a good look baby ...ok then Lil Jon...kills the whole dayum song for me..zip ya pants up my mood is blown ....So the wonderful world of corporate america....I am at work...feelin like bein mischevious an our systems are down and aint a dayum thing to do...cept....Breathe....1 and then 2 .....ok have u noticed I have Chi on the brain ..Chi...brain..lmfaooooo I swear I can not talk to her in months and still feel like I saw her today....can u say crazzzzzzzzy.....deranged ....hmmz ok so its friday and ummm I THINK I am going out 2nite but umm what to wear ?! it's cold as hell...well cold as the dickens outside and I am NOT trying to get more sick for the sake of bein cute....Jeans and umm those boots...U Must see em hold up 
OMG these boots are NASTY....specially in person...call me a biter but my lil sis had em and I was like I MUST get those ...I dreamt about em...and yo I can run in em like I got on sneakers...double bonus for me..cuz me and heels well we dun see eye 2 eye all the time....lmfao.....ok so I didnt work out yesterday 1st day I missed all week...applaud me....ok I didnt weigh myself bcuz I dun wanna sabotage my focus not trying to lose weight...I am however feelin slimmer...I guess thats my goal....I just wanna tone..be tight not be over-jiggling when I step...cuz @ my age...if u dun keep it tight u'll never be tight again .... workin out has kept my mind OFF of sex and drama so thats a bonus...and a few people have seen me and been like YUP....Tej is def a banger *insert blush smily here* lmao...Not that I am not ALWAYS banging...U know how it is....ok I know I am cute but I can be Cute @ 28 or that BADAZZ BYTCH I can be from time to time....right now I am in between... ok now I am babbling cuz I am BORRRRRRRRED to tears...Dayum I wanna go to the store I saw this VS thing I wanna get.....my VS collection is pretty tight I dun get to wear any of it tho cuz umm yanno....n e whoo..I am off I'll let y'all know 2morrow what went on 2nite....Imma see HER and no mother nature to interfere....Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh u like that dun chu ..lmaoooooooo...*smootches*
Posted at 10:50 am by Tejor
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11.25.2004
Gobble Gobble Bytches....
I have definitely flew th cookoos nest bcuz erra umm...ok rewind...I flipped out last nite...In a way that I havent flipped out on some1 in a long azz time....then I said to myself, "Self..wtf is ya problem" so I nicely told myself I was a hating azz broad...Yes Tej=Hater lmfao...hard to believe nah not really helps me know I am human....Y was I hating ?!...None of ya fukkin bizness ...SIKE...nah I wasnt even hating I was feeling replaced...yeah thats the word...it's like this..U ever have a friend that you think is the same friend to you as you are to them...then they get another friend and u feel kinda left outta that loop...yeah replaced....which is suttin I usually do but I havent been doing bcuz thanks to the "pussy protector" lmao I have found "myself".....Not that I was lost or anything...but he challenges my thought process and doesnt let me get away with my usual 1/2 azz sly remarks..he makes me EXPLAIN wtf I am talkin about....not in a judgemental way but ...I cant even explain how our conversations go...1 minute I wanna fight him and the next I wanna hug him...I dunno now that I am a lil more focussed I know what I want...well more like I know what my ultimate goal is...I still have "issues" I need to deal with b4 I unfairly ask some1 to do the unthinkable....Yea I am feeling again like the ultimate love is attainable and y even settle for less than that at my age is fukkin ridiculous....Dayum I need to get sum azz soon got me seein shyt....btwn no dyck/or pussy for that matter and PMS I been having a BULLSHYT Month.....There's always the calm b4 the storm and who's to say the storm is gonna be a BAD 1 ?! I have love in my life...My son is the BEST kid in the universe and I have fam...not the conventional 1 but still..and as sum1 told me today I have a nice azz...wtfever that wull get me in life...y complain ?! I'm not it's thanksgiving and I am just thankful for all of u that take the time to read my babbling and havent called Bellevue on me yet.....Good Friends/Family and Great Food..I wish you and all your the best....HAPPY THANKSGIVING !!! *smootches*
Posted at 08:54 pm by Tejor
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11.22.2004
Breathe...Stretch...Shake....
Please tell me y SHE got this song in my fukkin head...now everytime I think of head I see Mase...thats not cute....ok so I am nooooo longer PMSg ...YAY !!! and oh yea the AZZHOLE IS BACK !!!! yea I know we all missed her cuz all this I need a boooooooyfriend shyt was pissin me off...now I just wanna fu...nah I dun even wanna do that so I WONT finish that sentence...However I will say I been feeling real lesbianic this week....maybe cuz I been seein sum sexy bytches ...specially these Mamis in the Bronx...wit the legs cuz these fukkin hills we got up here....so whats new wit me ?! Ummm nuttin ...same shyt just diff perspective.....Oooo Thanksgiving is this week and I hate turkey and I have to work friday so I aint goin nowhere.....Oh my flymissez is here ...lmfao (OMG u HAVE to see the bod) but umm yeah she is here so I may go out and Friday lite brite will be here...LMFAOOOOOO he gon kill me for that shyt but yeah so I am thinkin how much BS I can stand for the nite just for the sake of hangin out ..*thinkin* I am in azzhole mode and I am bout sick of nukkas hittin me up on sum Tej so and so talkin about u...BLOW IT OUT YA AZZ.....I dun care I feel like this is SOME1 wants ME to KNOW how THEY feel...U think maybe...just maybe they will tell me themselves ?!?!?! Hmmz interesting concept....
Nukkas think I be mad...I aint mad at a muhfukkin person...I expect people to be zackly who the fukk they are... U can't expect people to do anything but be themselves it may not be to ya liking BUT its what makes us different and what makes us attracted to a person in the 1st place...right ?! Shyt I am 5'2" how harmful can I really be anyway *insert evil grin here*
OOOOO guess what...My fat azz been doin miltary crunches and I feel oh so hyped....workin out makes me feel like a BAD bytch....I be like hit me nukka...hit me...oh and I took Drew and Flymisses and Mal's advice and DRANK WATER....ok I cant get used to runnin to the potty every 5 minutes like Im pregnant but Imma try this shyt 4 2 weeks I'll let y'all know how this goes...cuz the azz got bigger...shockin right....and thats not cute *insert bytch ur the worst smiley here* hmmz...ok so on that note it's Pilates Time !!!!!!!!!!!!!! until I blog again lovies *smootches*
Posted at 09:15 pm by Tejor
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11.16.2004
Umm so I feel like CRAP...stomach is killin me..Feels like I do when I bite my tongue and hold everything in...I dun have no issues against no1...I told every1 pretty much how I was feeling about em....so y am I in pain...I hate bein a woman I swear I do sumtimes...I had tea and I feel like its worst....I been arguing since like 7am not even arguing but like spazzing bcuz ppl just dun get it....Its like ppl think I have no feelings and I am a stone cold bytch....I bleed...I cry ...I hurt and I get fat (ugh ok lets not even go there) but I mean...ughhhh ok thats pretty much how that goes...I still didnt talk to HIM this week...havent spoken to HIM since the day after I saw him....what does that mean ?! hmmz maybe thats whats bothering me...*calls BK* u know what...I think Imma leace well enuff alone *scrolls thru phone* DELETE...hmmz I think the pain is subsiding...let me find out thats what it was the whole dayum time ....fukk this ..I'm out *smootches*
Posted at 11:49 am by Tejor
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11.13.2004
I am sooooo feeling ugh right now...I am sposed to be in Bmore right now BUT the weather was nasty and I couldnt see...I dunno how I made it home last nite with no glasses...eh thank GOD for little miracles... ok so I bought a new shirt looked cute on the hangar BUT I put it on and my stomach became round and too big so it slid UP...I should be embarassed huh ?! nah shyt Im gettin old and Im and bloated ....yes thats my excuse BLOATED....
Ever feel like you cant breathe ?! Nah I dun mean cuz I ate too much bbq just sumtimes I feel like I can feel the life leaving out of me...dare I say I grew a conscious....couldnt have..I refuse to admit I care about any1 elses feelings at this point. I am still that spoiled 10 year old..and I want what I want at any cost...and I usually get...Love ?! Am I in love ?! ...cant be cuz love wouldnt let me do the things I do. Its not even lust...I think its despair...not to be confused with desparation ..My FOINE azz desparate ?! NEVER !!!!!!! lmfao...Its only a temporary glitch in the matix a couple of Midol and I'll be str8 in the morning...not str8 literally..cuz well ..yanno how that goes ...
Ahhh yes MD I must be on my way now...give Candy a call and maybe hit a club in DC...eh we'll see I am HORRIBLE with callin ppl...Its like I HATE talkin on the phone yet I cant live w/o my cell.. find the logic in that cuz I swear I cant find any....Anyway lovies I am off til Monday I guess...Miss me much and PRAY PRAY PRAY 4 me...Only God can help me now *smootches*
Posted at 06:12 am by Tejor
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