12.27.2004
Why Does It Hurt So Bad ....
I hope you all had a Happy Holiday !!!!! I know I really didn't I was sick....I had flu/bronchitis/pneumonia some ish....ugh...yea I know leave it to me to get some foreign nameless disease.....Nana stayed to "watch" me....Mal took care of me I know I drove him mad...and I haven't really eaten since thursday but none of my jeans fit this morning ......go figure that huh.... I been sick since Thursday don't know how I got out of bed friday with a fever and drove all the way out here to LI to work...so me being the tuff girl I am thought I was gonna drive home....Blah....Mal had to come get me...I was found passed out in front of the Hempstead LIRR station at the wheel of the car heat on like MEGA HELL.....all I know is I woke up in front of my house and Mal was in nuttin but a wife beater ....funny picture now that I am not delirious....enuff of the nonsense....I felt bad tho because I know my dad wanted to see me and the baby and my brothers wanted to see Nana pretty much but we were all in my house makin me tea ...soup and buyin me ginger ale....awww love is beautiful lmao....
I did feel bad that I could not talk...*someone said I sounded like a Transformer on the phone* yeah my throat closed up as well and it hurt to talk...funny cuz every time my phone rang I actually answered...cept when I was sleep....but yeah my apologies for the impersonal Holiday text messages my heart meant well I just couldn't possibly make any phone calls it was atrocious..... I guess in an odd way my gift to my family was me not runnin my mouth and driving every1 insane....hopefully New Years Eve will be better and I won't be sick...altho I feel like I will not be 100% for a loooong time ....til later lovelies *smootches*
Posted at 09:45 am by Tejor
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12.22.2004
Who really cares what you think ?! Have u ever asked yaself that question ?! Seriously....every now and then when you voice your opinions to someone do u ever ask yourself....Who really gives a shyt ?! I mean....someone told me a little while ago....they "know" something about me...and I was like really ?! wow....do tell....then they told me I was like umm dumbazz EVERY1 ON THE NET KNOWS THAT CUZ I TOLD THEM *dead* I mean do you really think I am DUMB enuff to tell anyone something that I don't mind getting out ?! and have you ever asked yourself if what you have been told is the truth ?! but than again back to my original question....who gives a shyt ?! Really.... I wish certain people could live my life for 1 day...they'd prolly commit suicide...the few people I have given a "glimpse" of my world...just look @ me and say dayum... how do you do it....This is my life...it's all I know...and when all you know is THAT you learn to survive in THAT ....it's not that difficult ..it's really rather simple....I try not to knock others for how they live ...well I dont' knock too hard ....lol...bcuz you never know where a person is coming from.
I'm sick of people...they drive me crazy and make me wanna stuff em ina duffle bag and throw em in my trunk.....*exhale* they whine and complain and whine and complain and wanna talk to you for HOURS about nothing.....sex...money...drugs...strippers.. who's real...who's fake....then you bring up the bible to em and they MUST go ....lol...maybe you haven't noticed because maybe you don't read your bible....I do....didn't know that did you ?! but u KNOW it all don't you all....Nana is a Dr. of Theology so imagine the dissappointment in how I live my life...Yes I get the personal life critique every day...backed with scripture ...so PLEASE....again I say PLEASE don't think that anything you can say to me can phase me...Nana is a tuff act to follow so is Jesus.....
It's the holiday and I dont' feel like whining about certain situs in my life because my son is healthy and so am I...I am blessed beyond imagination so why ruin all of that by throwing dirt rocks at the sun ?! until later lovlies..*smootches*
Posted at 09:30 am by Tejor
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12.18.2004
Meet The Fockers....was a funny movie but NOT as funny as Meet The Parents.....but I was in knots either way...maybe it was the Coquito that had me laffin so dayum hard...I found myself in the club askin myself..."was the movie good ?!" but yea it was...I guess I just expected to be more amused than I was *shrugs* and NOOOO it don't come out til 12/22 b4 u even ask me.....
I had Coquito and Corona's wit Lime and made it to work by 9 this morning *bows* amazing right....specially since I haven't been to work all week....Christmas...Merry Frickin Christmas...My mind is rambling....most of the thoughts I can't even type but I will say then when I got my lapdance.....YESSSS they bought me a darn lapdance....and I was bein molested I was like dayuuuuuuuuuuuum no Insteads ....I would have..OMG...not even gonna say but THAT chic Heaven...lawd'ha'mercy....
A few things have been on my mind for like a few months now...and *sighz* I KINDA had a talk wit someone yesterday about it and they confirmed what I already knew....He is full of shyt....not to be trusted and someone I shouldn't even speak to....but I feel ...hmmmz...can't even explain wtf is wrong wit me right now...Not even wrong wit me..just ..can't...ugh....I guess I am too preoccupied with so much personal shyt and I havent fully had time to deal wit this BS and get it over with once and for all....I am gettin to it I promise. Ever feel like you are free falling out of an open window from the 115th floor and your eyes are open and even in the midst of tragdey you feel peace ?! Yup thats been my week pretty much....PEACE !!!!!
Havito !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lmfaoo...ok now that I got THAT off my chest later lovelies *smootches*
Posted at 11:41 am by Tejor
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12.6.2004
Hmmmz...so my weekend was kewl...Went to a NETS game and they had a lil old school hip hop concert afterwards...I felt MAD old yo ...every1 around me was like umm 25 and under cept this 1 dude he was rocking it....I may put that clip up later...he was funny as shyt....ok so a perfect cap to the evening would have been Dojo's and Sue's ....but nah...came home and slept like my life depended on it....Had some drama with this BK nukka and...ugh...ok so I guess we KEWL again..wtfever that means I dunno Imma chill cuz 1 of these nukkas is bound to fukk up sooner than later....RED !!!!! that bytch...ok so I ran the story by a few of my CLOSEST male friends and they all agree I am a jerk....ok so maybe I am but I dun ever ever ever in life want a girlfriend EVERRRRRRRRR....I think I made my point but hangin around actin like a nut wont change shyt.....dayum
Sunday !!!! Yes Yes Yes...so my appt @ Verseman Studios went rather well..personally I HATE taking pics but I tried to sukk it up and be cooperative for J...but then I saw the pics and its OBVIOUS I was struggling...HE was so professional tho...made me feel comfortable...even on the fire escape wit dem dayum heels *rolls eyes* * neck jerk* but we will def do it again...I think I got over my fear of the camera....I will, "Make Love 2 It", as Chi 1ce told me and I still havent figured out HOW to do that shyt....but I be like ...I dunno fukk it ...it aint important...lmao but the pics are good....we did good..we gonna go for the GOLD in shoot #2...Pic to the right is one of the pics we took...I MAY post some more next entry....*yawns* we'll see....
*sighz* I did suttin real stupid friday....I wish u could catch yahoo e-mails b4 they are opened...cuz I feel like such a dork for even ....I dunno man...I dun think people realize when they hurt my feelings just cuz I aint boo hooing dun mean I'm kewl....I dun ALWAYS tell ppl how I feel I cant always articulate and some shyt I just cant even bring myself to say.....I COULD just act hardcore and fukk up a perfectly good possiblilty or for 1ce in life calm the hell down...I live life @ like 90 MPH...thats what Nana told me today....she told me to quit my job...pack up the baby and move in with her....food and shelter are free...Man do u even know how much I miss bein the spoiled brat....dun have to work only do it cuz I WANT 2...who'dathunkit .....eh well shawty is all grown up now wit her own lil shawty....
In every action there's a consequence.....dayum....dayum....maybe If I would have.....instead of....then I'd be with HIM right now *sighz* would I be happy ?! I realized today after a slick azz remark nahh I wouldnt be....I wish someone would stop sellin these corny azz nukkas pipe dreams cuz tellin me u wanna be with me is sooooooooooo lame....just be honest..."Tej...I wanna smash" ...Brutal honesty turns me on..how could it NOT ?! shyt I do it oooooh so well *winkz* Fukk the BS I need a thug nukka make me wanna act like Shorty in the Youngbuck video....shyt put it on me so good make me act like Vivica @ the awards LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ok Im lying now....not even a thug...Just a nukka...thats simply what he is a muhfukkin NUKKA....my muhfukkin Nukka ..dare 2 dream lovelies *smootches*
Posted at 09:32 pm by Tejor
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12.4.2004
One of the people I was referring to as far as friendships I fukked up was Denyle and as you all can see he stopped by ...every1 wave @ Denyle *cheese face* I LOOOOOOOOOVE that boy u have NO IDEA *sighz* ok I feel 1/2 better now.....I think the other I will leave alone *sighz* but for the hell of it I was talkin about TJ yup the 1 wit the same eyes as mine ...... I promise I am gettin better at the phone thing...I just....I dunno *sighz* now we will work on going 2 see people...it's all a process in my 12 step program....ok I am on step 2 but hey at least I am makin an effort....But HE LOOOOVES ME....mesohappy :)...ok lovies
*smootches*
Posted at 02:45 pm by Tejor
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12.3.2004
SHYT !!!!!!!!!!! CAN A BYTCH LIVE ?!?!?!i MEAN GAWD DAYUM BASTIDS GET OF MUH FUKKING CLIT ....UGHHHHHH
K..THATS IT I'M DONE...FUKK BEIN NICE ....SMH LATAZ ----->>
Posted at 04:47 pm by Tejor
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OK so I was thinkin...yea I know surprise surprise....but I talked to HIM yesterday *thinking* yeah yesterday and I realized suttin...I am 2 dang proud a person....Im the type that when u said you will call me back.....I'll wait...so in doin so I think I missed out on sum things...I dun like to feel like I am sweating someone yanno ?!?! like I be lookin at my phone...and be about to hit *speed dial # ?!* but I just cant bring myself to do it....Common sense would tell me he be as busy as I am...I just cant...Maybe cuz I know what could happen if I talk to him 2 often *thinkin* ok I think I am punkin out...but I have GOOD reason ..trust me...
So he is mad kewl....When I say that I mean it so seriously....like ...how can I say this without sounding mushy ?! Like really he is the type of dude I call my boyfriend or I would call my boyfriend...yanno if the situ was diff...At first I was thinkin sexually....but then I talked to him and was like dayum his voice...things he says....he can say Sup Kid...and I start blushin...I dunno...just a small moment of happiness is all I need in this world...not to be confused with I LOVE HIM...cuz I don't...I mean he is a COOL ASS DUDE....seriously....potentially a GREAT friend altho due to "certain circumstances" it may cause an issue....I'm just really feelin our situ....*cheese face* the fact that he is FOINE as shyt helps but I can still hang wit him and "behave" ....lmao seriously I can he is just that kewl and I wouldnt wanna mess that up...I'm just mad it took me this long to say suttin to him...Not my ususal...but its been 3 months (I realized this this morning) and still kewl...maybe cuz we dont talk often...which is how I like it...but yeah so far so good....I'm just in a good place...maybe even more so cuz I spoke to HER yesterday and she is SOOO HAPPY...that shyt is contagious...I like ppl I care about to be happy it does my heart good...tired of my ppls dealing wit the drama and the BS of life and stalkin azz nukkas...they are the worst....I'm just *sighz* I dun even know...
I worked out this morning bytch is looking RIGHT lmao or so someone keeps tellin me...I am a sukker for attn from the right person...I think I am modest I never...ok well not ususally ..look @ myself and say Tej ya a bad bytch...but when the right person says it to me...or just calls me to tell me , "YOU"RE PRETTY AZ HELL" lmao does this old lady's heart some good...I swear his voice ..lawd...I dunno I think I am tettering a line...but who gives a shyt I am ignoring it...right and wrong in this situ is blurred to me...not my fault...he drove me into this situ...and drove him to be in this situ...I dunno if HE feels bad..I know I dont...I think Imma break my own rules and call him more regularly dayum him and waitin for HIM to call him back...He thinks like I do...like yo I told u I liked you 1ce that should be good enuff...u know ppl like me need reassurance....*sighs* maybe I make him feel the same...*shrugs* ..til next time lovies *smootches*
Posted at 11:48 am by Tejor
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11.30.2004
Call her and ask her.....
Hmmz @ that concept...That made me feel like I was in HS all over again....Why would I call another female and ask her what's up with you two ?! R U Serious ?! nah this is not happening....There are 2 things I am positive of about myself #1 I am light skinned and #2 I am an asshole oh and #3 I am a woman...lmfao...TJ ya actin different...am I really ?! I dun think I am...the people around me dun think so....in fact I am actin more like myself than I have been lately..FEELS SO GOOD...ugh @ that song cant get out of my head...what ever happened to Davina ?! *mind wanders*
Men....I dun get em.....well I do I think I get em a lil 2 good which is y when they TRY to BS me I feel like they are insultin my intelligence.....I think I know what u mean better than U do most of the time....call it a character flaw...I call it being NICE. Seriously, in 1 breath someone can tell me I am not like other femmes...I am this and I am that and that SAME someone will tell me I NEVER listen only hear what I want...wouldnt that make me like other femmes then ?! *thinkin* do u even know me ?! This is life and I am only given 1 so do I A. Get stressed so others can be happy or 2. Live it up and die with a smile on my face...I choose option #B... #B ?! imma leave that alone.....so umm I been WAITING for this phone call.... I feel like I am livin a countdown.... 2 days til he gives in.... he calls we talk I hear it in his voice but he wont give in...I dun even play dirty no fun in that...I would like him to believe he has it under control but u know how I do...when I get to the point that I'VE had enuff the dirt will surface ....lmfao...its cute for now...actually brings a smile to my face....maybe I am a lil to forward sometimes...so I am chillin...I know what I can and cant have...thats a good enuff feelin of satisfaction for me...I got off my kick of really wantin this dude (diff dude..pay attn..lol) or likin him in THAT way....I realized I like just talkin to him....like bein around him just like him as a person as a friend...I like that feeling...new friendship the type thats not tainted or ugly yet...the type that is like u know he appreciates u as much as u him and he doesnt call u just to tell u he wants to fukk...its a look he gives whenever he sees me....same look I give him and we understand and its over....nuttin to be done about it...a small pleasure in my long dayz....talk to him every 1ce in a blue...funny tho cuz whenever he sees me he keeps me grinnin ear to ear...You Are So Fukking Beautiful Yo...So fukkin pretty Oh my gawd *blushes* I can still hear him sayin it the way he did on the phone the other nite..*sighs* does suttin to me like when Mo used to call me and say Hey Miss Lady...lmao omg i feel my face turn red just saying it...speakin of RED ...lmfao RED is ummmm yea Sunday and DAYUMMMMMMMM if u can figure out what I mean by that I'll give u a cookie ...lmfao...ok now I am really bein a fool...til later lovies....*smootches*
Posted at 11:21 am by Tejor
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11.29.2004
Oh lawd.....where to begin....Friday...Sue's Rendevzous....Saturday...Sue's Rendezvous *insert HUGE cheeseface here*...LMFAO...this 1 chic...OMFG and then this other chic OMFG umm ok so onto a new topic...I been tipsy like ALLL weekend btwn that and them chics...*faints* umm ok so we went to FRIDAY's ...I loathe that place....seriously...ppl always wanna meet there and I dun eat bcuz I dun like their dayum food....I can eat the Jack Daniels Steak sumtimes...but I am pretty dayum sick of it.....I LOVE Olive Garden, Dojo's (my fave) and a few others but ugh hey its where every1 else wants to go so hey what can I do...Imma trooper I ROLL with the punches....OMG but the Blue Storm/Perfect Storm...fukk it blue slushy shyt is off the chain and WE ALL KNOW HOW I GET WHEN I AM DRINKING....Bwahahahaha ..Nah I was nice tho...liked every1 that showed up plus Lil Mal was with me so I was sober *cheese face*...OMFG OMFG OMFG...I saw HIMMMMMMMMMM *drool face* *hyperventilates* ....ok so call me crazy but as much as I HATE attn...I fukkin LOVE it he called me and said 1 sentence and I was like melting on my bed....ok yea I was feeling like a girl and I was irritating the ppl in my house and so my phone died and umm yeah I was out all nite wit no phone....but WHO CARES....lmao...ok nah 4real I got mad love for this dude ...no BS wit him....I EXPECT certain ish from him which makes me feel "comfortable" yup thats the word....I dunno its not even a sexual thing...umm ok maybe jus a little...but yanno...
I was debating with myself over an issue...I was like Tej sometimes u r 2 harsh on ppl...U overreact...blah blah blah.... so I tested a theory and Ta dah !!! I was so correct...They only want u when they think someone else has you...You put the key to the ignition and their hand and they try to drive someone else....funny how it works that way....I am tired of the lame ish..."Tej I love you" mind u im hearing this from more than 1 person..none of which have a clue...smmfh....Love= overused/underextended...feel me ?! I'm str8 tho...The GRIME factor will continue...conscious is clear and OMFG *drool face* how the hell can I NOT ?!
Dayummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...ok thats all imma say about THAT...yeah I know Im leaving ish out but they is CERTAIN shyt I dun need CERTAIN ppl to know so ummm....but if u call me I'll gladly tell ya LMFAO
...ok later lovies *smootches*
Posted at 10:22 am by Tejor
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11.26.2004
Lovers and Friendzzzzz...
Ok so this song is in my head and won't get out...tell me againnnnnnnnnn....it's a good look baby ...ok then Lil Jon...kills the whole dayum song for me..zip ya pants up my mood is blown ....So the wonderful world of corporate america....I am at work...feelin like bein mischevious an our systems are down and aint a dayum thing to do...cept....Breathe....1 and then 2 .....ok have u noticed I have Chi on the brain ..Chi...brain..lmfaooooo I swear I can not talk to her in months and still feel like I saw her today....can u say crazzzzzzzzy.....deranged ....hmmz ok so its friday and ummm I THINK I am going out 2nite but umm what to wear ?! it's cold as hell...well cold as the dickens outside and I am NOT trying to get more sick for the sake of bein cute....Jeans and umm those boots...U Must see em hold up 
OMG these boots are NASTY....specially in person...call me a biter but my lil sis had em and I was like I MUST get those ...I dreamt about em...and yo I can run in em like I got on sneakers...double bonus for me..cuz me and heels well we dun see eye 2 eye all the time....lmfao.....ok so I didnt work out yesterday 1st day I missed all week...applaud me....ok I didnt weigh myself bcuz I dun wanna sabotage my focus not trying to lose weight...I am however feelin slimmer...I guess thats my goal....I just wanna tone..be tight not be over-jiggling when I step...cuz @ my age...if u dun keep it tight u'll never be tight again .... workin out has kept my mind OFF of sex and drama so thats a bonus...and a few people have seen me and been like YUP....Tej is def a banger *insert blush smily here* lmao...Not that I am not ALWAYS banging...U know how it is....ok I know I am cute but I can be Cute @ 28 or that BADAZZ BYTCH I can be from time to time....right now I am in between... ok now I am babbling cuz I am BORRRRRRRRED to tears...Dayum I wanna go to the store I saw this VS thing I wanna get.....my VS collection is pretty tight I dun get to wear any of it tho cuz umm yanno....n e whoo..I am off I'll let y'all know 2morrow what went on 2nite....Imma see HER and no mother nature to interfere....Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh u like that dun chu ..lmaoooooooo...*smootches*
Posted at 10:50 am by Tejor
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