I had a GREAT weekend...Etoile being a waste of money aside...Candy and Litsa came up again and we went clubbing....had a chill azz time...I feel old tho cuz my azz was beat after club #1....It was JUSE's bday and oh lawd was the JUSE LOOSE ..smh I swear spaniards cant drink for shyt...lmfaoooooo j/p. I was a lil .....just a tad bit tipsy...I knew suttin was wrong wit me when Doo Doo Brown came on and I was dancing like it was the new hot shyt...lawd help me. I was sposed to take Lil Mal to the hotel but my azz crashed I was so dayum burnt out...I woke up I had 5 missed calls I dunno how many VMs mind u I aint even ck em yet cuz I have 2 many...and Im not ..well wasnt focused...
The BS.....ok so I was all pumped to call this dude and tell him what I been thinkin lately....then I took a minute drank some water and REALLY REALLY thought about what I was feeling.... The RAGE I felt that prompted some of my actions is gone...it's like suttin in me died when I was told sum ish about what happened way back when.... that incident which changed the course of my life and my mind frame. I felt myself wanting to cry ..maybe it was the PMS....but I just thought to myself, "Y the fukk do I still even care ?!" good question.... but what died in me was respect...its that the initial reaction just had me sittin there like Nukka who is u talkin to....then about an hour later he apologizes...and I am sittin here like y wasnt the 1st thing u said to me when I came to you ?! .... back to the dude in sentence #1 of this paragraph...lmfao...yeah yeah I know ya lost....BUT...I decided NOT to call dude and tell him how I was feeling this week bcuz I felt like I was gonna come off like a deranged looney toon and I didnt have an explanation...I mean I havent seen him in like...yeah that long...lmao...and when I did see him I couldnt really say anything.....*sighz* I swear my dilemmas....but I decided not 2 say ish and delete his # out my phone cuz just ugh....I dun like how he makes me feel sometimes.... and it's not even him it's me.... it's just...I cant even explain....well I guess the best way is...I know how I like shyt to go....shyt Imma Virgo I always have a plan...and THIS is not goin how I want it to go....or didnt go how I wanted it to go......I know he has shyt on his plate...but at the risk of turnin in2 suttin I dun wanna become he needs to not be seen like that...feel me ?! I doubt he even notices...and I wont call cuz when I DO talk to him I feel like I am in a vaccuum I get SUCKED in ....I start wantin shyt I dun need to want...and fiending and feelin like a gyrl and wantin to.....ughhhhhhhhhh I dun like it at all....so yeah I closed that chapter and bound the book it's a wrap.... I dunno y but I always seem to need closure in my relationships.....yes even the booty calls ....LMFAOOOOOOO ok I kill me...then I'll talk to him this week and 4get everything I am saying right now.... wtf ?!?!?! *deletes AIM list...yahoo list...and e-mail contacts* the madness MUST end b4 I start doin typical chic shyt and NONE of us want that *smirk*
Litsa, Me and Candy @ NV
Til later lovelies..........*smootches*